My Life as A Moronic Adult
by Selena Parramore
Summary: Young Samantha needs to learn a thing or two about timing. Listen to the tale of a mornonic 24 yr old as she makes mistake after mistake concerning The Joker, and Miss Harleen Quinzel. And possibly Scarecrow. Rate t for language . .
1. Chapter 1

Hi. My name is Sam. No not Samantha, just Sam. I'm just your average young adult. I'm 24 years old. I am not going to college. Too much commitment involved. If you haven't already guessed, I'm a girl. I live in Gotham City. My favorite color is blue, like the ocean. I suppose I should describe the way I look since there isn't going to be a point where it going to be mentioned. Well... I have brown eyes. Yep, no stunningly blue eyes. I have tan skin, because I'm russian. I have freckles. Not so many that it looks sickening, but you know... Freckles. And no I don't have a russian accent... I have pale brown hair. Some say they like the color but quite frankly it looks washed out and I plan on dying it. No, I'm not in a gang, or the mafia, nor am I a criminal. I don't have any retarded powers. And this is not a romance. I mean, hey there is some flirting I guess but no, no romance. I'm just a boring little girl who happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and this is my reckless little boring life, at least I think its boring. I have a job.. I work at some gay little discount thrift store. Its called, you guessed it, Thrift Store. Yeah I know right, I don't even get to work in Goodwill. Shame isn't it? I can play the drums.. But not well. I sound like a octapus on speed. I'm the slowest learner possible. I speak french. But I only know second year french. So as you can imagine its only the basics. I love drawing though. I would have to say it's the only thing I'm good at. I only draw nature so, uh, yeah hit me up if you want a portrait... Yay...

Yeah I'm totally going to start out my story like this. Epic…

A/N: this story is going to be effing weird. It's going to be like a series of crap. From diary entries to IM conversations to an actual story. So be prepared from weird writing.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Journal,

Hello, I'm sure you've read my opening page. Yeah it's me again. Today was pretty boring… All I did was sit on my front porch. Some dude walked by and asked something about a comb. I'm pretty sure he was making fun of my fucked up hair. Eh…, I call 'em as I see 'em. So anyway, I had the weirdest dream. I had a dream about this criminal dude and his girlfriend. She was dressed as a mouse though. .__. I don't know. He was that clown dude. I think his name was the Jester… I'm not sure. Anyway, I fucking hate clowns. It was terrible man, he like sprayed me with this like cotton candy shit, Like in Killer Clowns from Outer Space. Dude, I hate that movie. I almost pissed myself watching it. If you haven't guessed I hate clowns with a fiery passion. I also hate yaoi but that's beside the point. So anyway, he sprayed me with that stuff then I died and turned into a ninja and maybe kicking his clowny ass. And his mouse girlfriend was too distracted with eating the cotton candy to save him. .__. Only clowns could turn a tasty treat into something so evil.

Sincerely Sammy, the coolest retard you know. xD No jking

(A/N: Sam's POV is in effect… but it's not a journal entry anymore so… eh…)

I put my pen down looked around secretively as I slowly closed my laptop.

"Whatcha doing Sammy?" my roommate Kale said from behind me. I nearly fell off my bed.

"What the h are you doing in my room? Get lost, buster. This is cougar territory."

He looked at me blankly then smiled brightly. "Hey that movie with that dude you like is on TV," he nearly screamed at me. I shrugged and threw a jelly bean at his head. He took that as his cue to exit and left. My roommate Kale was a nerdy movie fanatic. He was actually my third cousin but I just consider him a friend. I mean, who even has third cousins? He became my roommate at kind of last notice. I was tight on money and needed a roomie bad, AND TA DA! Here comes Kaaaale, to the rescue. So yeah, he basiclly keeps me from becoming a hobo. I found a jelly bean in my bed and ate it. I clicked my small little TV on and found the news. It blabbed about that clown dude again. Yippee. He caused more crap. I yawned and fell asleep listening to that crazy crap.


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up groggily, yawning loudly as I sat up slowly. I looked around to find a tabby cat sitting in front of my face. I stared at it then it surprised me by hissing loudly and scratching me across the face. I screamed, "God damn cat. Fucking clawing me. Kale, get your stupid cat before I strangle it to death."

Kale walked in quickly and scooped his little monster. "Oh Fishsticks, I was looking all over for you." That's right; the cat's name was Fishsticks. He snuggled the cat then skipped out my room. If you haven't already guess my roommate/third cousin was gay. Well he was actually bisexual but he was more attracted to guys and he was more feminine. Oddly enough he preferred to be called gay. I guess it was so girls he didn't have any interest in wouldn't try to throw themselves at him. I don't know, that kid was weird.

I got out of bed and walked over to my dresser. My eyes rolled around in my head from being so spaced out and loony. I yawned again and felt myself sway on the balls of my feet. "Good lord, I'm tired." I pulled on some old jeans that were all frayed at the bottoms that also had a rip in the ass. I put my baggy red and black striped hoodie on and checked in the mirror to make sure the length of the hoodie covered my ass. I jumped down the stairs and found Kale in the kitchen making an omelet.

"Want one?" He asked as he flipped the nasty egg thinger.

I shook my head no and grabbed a cup and filled in with Captain Crunch cereal. I leaned against the counter and watched as he slid the omelet onto his place. It's not that he couldn't cook but…, well he couldn't cook eggs. I filled my cup with milk and grabbed a spoon and continued to eye up his reaction as he took the first bite. His face went blank but he tried to play it off my smiling halfheartedly and said to me, "You sure, this is some good omelet?" I smiled then plodded down beside him.

"Kale…, just feed it to the cat." I finished my cereal in a cup then stood up. "Imma go to the park. Care to join?"

"Sam, its 8:40 pm."

"Says you eating breakfast at night."

"Well, there nothing but eggs. Go stop by the gas station and pick up some ramen. Oh and some brandy."

I raised an eyebrow, "I thought you were lying off the brandy…"

"But Imma share it with you," he smiled convincingly. When he saw that it wasn't working he scowled, "Hurry up before 9, Sam, or neither of us is going to get any brandy." He handed me a $20 bill and pushed me out the house slamming the door behind me. I pounded on the door and he opened it a crack.

"I need my shoes," I gestured to my bare feet.

He slammed the door and I could hear him rummaging around the duplex for a pair of my shoes. He opened the door and dropped flip flops in front of me. "To da," he said dryly then slammed the door in my face for the third time today.

I slid my feet into them then was on my way. Yippee do da day. Well at least with the money I was able to buy a pack of smokes. Too bad I didn't get to enjoy them…

A/N: So Sam's setting off to get cigerrettes, brandy, and ramen. I know the first chapter is so short that it seems retarded but I'm going to try to make each chapter a lil longer then the one before. So Review if you want. Make comments on the story if you'd like. Oh and yeah, her name is actually Samantha but she doesn't like to be called that. Shes actually an inspired character by a couple of my friends... like combined. So heres to you Libby, Katie, and Brianne. So anyway enjoy my next retarded chapter.


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